Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Background of Us: Cliff Notes version

I started this blog as a way to update family and friends on our story of trying to become parents. I also hope it serves as a blessing to people in the same situation we are in. I know many times it can feel as though you are alone. Trust me, I’ve been there. We all need support and someone who has been down the same path. I hope it inspires everyone who reads it. I plan to be honest and open about everything I go through. I will not necessarily “air my dirty laundry”, if you will…but I also will not sugar coat the situations we encounter. I want to be honest and open so that people struggling with having a child can relate and be blessed by it.

So… if you don’t know us you are probably asking exactly what is our story? …and I am happy to share.

I met Brian completely by mistake. See, I was on a blind date (a group one). I can’t even recall my blind date’s name. Eh, oh well…he doesn’t matter ;)
Anyhow, he asked Brian along so that he’d have a buddy for moral support since I had friends there. Yeh so what-his-name and I did not hit it off. But this charming baby blue eyed fella kept me laughing all night… I later learned his name was Brian.
It was January, people…and the four of us (me, my friend Caryn, Joe Schmo and Brian) sat outside the restaurant after everyone was through eating for hours freezing our rumps off and having a blast joking around (what’s his name was not so much).
Caryn and I got into the car to leave and I recall saying “The guy Joe Schmo brought is amazing!”
Apparently Brian was impressed as well, and did whatever it took to get my number. Within 24 hours, he asked me out…and I said yes. This was in January 2005…We dated for a while then in 2008 we said “I do” in the most adorable little ceremony.

We have now been married for almost four years and for almost 4 years, we have been struggling to be parents. We always accepted the idea of adoption…and even decided to even if I could birth a child. We always knew an adopted child would be loved just like a biological one- by not only us but every heart we know.
For four years I have tried, I have cried, I have suffered the loss of little one’s I hadn’t met yet (through adoption and miscarriage), I have prayed….I can’t tell you the nights I lie in bed sobbing and praying for God to bless us…and the days I even (shamefully) blamed God for our pain. Over the years I have had friends console me countless times, people afraid to tell me they had conceived because they knew my hurt, and prayers sent up on my behalf. I did struggle sometimes with the question of “why would God give me such a desire to be a parent, and then leave me to struggle like this?”

I don’t want you to think it is all bad though. Most of the time I knew God would not fail me and lived by his word “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart”. This became the verse for our family. It is God’s promise to US.
 God has sent angels to lift me up and pray for me- mostly through the form of family and friends but sometimes even through strangers.

Just last weekend I had a kind soul ask to pray for me and Brian, which I met at a yard sale. What a God moment!
God sends us reminder everyday of his love for us, and that we shouldn’t give up trusting in him to provide. He knows we will have days where we will feel hurt, sad, and even angry but if we praise him in this storm- he will bless us when the rain stops.

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